The waiting. The W-A-I-T-I-N-G. It is such a killer. It starts from test one and from what I gather it does not ever really stop.
You try to carry on with life as if everything is normal but you know in a few days everything is going to be drastically different. You need to know exactly how different and the doctor’s appointment is seemingly a lifetime away. You think, ‘maybe Google can give me a quick answer right?’. Wrong. So so wrong. Before you know it you’ve been there for 4 hours comparing conflicting survival rates, researching only the worst case scenarios, having more questions and being more frustrated than you were before, all the while sobbing your little heart out and feeling utterly in despair.
If you don’t have all of the facts, just don’t. There is a difference between being well-informed and being hysterical. As part of the support team, you have to keep it together, avoid indulging your own fears and just remember: We are all more than statistics.
My mom is more than a statistic.
There are so many factors at play that it is impossible to predict, plan and anticipate the possible outcomes. Cancer is is so ridiculously complex, as is every single person’s physiology. Predicting the nexus between the two is impossible., and beyond that, it is unhealthy. It does not help you or the person you are supporting.
Take a step back and just breathe. There is nothing you can do to change the cancer or the situation you are all in. What you can do, however, is use this opportunity to get your both out of your skin and just ENJOY everything before the real struggle begins. Go for a four hour lunch and really talk. Go do that thing that you keep putting off. Have cake for breakfast and go shopping all day.
So get off Dr Google and just make the time to laugh and love each other.